white rabbit
Whatever happened to my free days and nights and weekends of endless hedonism?
Gone with the wind, with the changing leaves and the falling chestnuts.
Everyday I read (as in read articles and handouts and other photocopied-in-breach-of-copyright material or a chapter in a textbook) after I get back from school, make dinner and chat with whoever’s around for a bit, then go back and sit at my desk with my eyes trained on those little black prints that end up looking like not so many trails of ants.
I do this so much more now than ever before. I’ve always been the type to ignore my readings until March/April came around, and then I’d knuckle down and consume everything before spewing them out at my exams in May/June. But this year, strangely, I have rather unconsciously changed my habits white being extremely aware that I am behaving in an exceptional way.
But anyway, the point. The point is that I am tired already. How do people keep this sort of intense-ness up for months and months and years and years on end?
I am exhausted from having to plan my life around my readings and more readings. And I am so much more uptight and nervous about time and what I do with it, and where I go on the weekends, that honestly I’d like to slap myself. it’s as if this whole new work ethic is trying to take over my (social) life. I mean, I was in the library on Friday at 9pm – ok, so I only went there to look for an article I had to do a report on and headed straight back home when I realised it didn’t exist in the collection, but still. The library. At 9pm. On a Friday. I don’t know how the boyfriend puts up with it.
Of course, when it’s the right time and the right place I will be sure to clear my schedule by moving my readings to the right or left of the event. Which is why the house is having a Halloween/Guy Fawkes party on the 4th of November.
It is why I was in the country this weekend looking at the rolling fields and silhouettes of trees against a darkening sky. And also why I spent the better part of today walking in the woods while trying to pick mushrooms that would not kill us, nor impart us some psychotropic experience in between the trees- I have no time for that right now, dammit .
Gone with the wind, with the changing leaves and the falling chestnuts.
Everyday I read (as in read articles and handouts and other photocopied-in-breach-of-copyright material or a chapter in a textbook) after I get back from school, make dinner and chat with whoever’s around for a bit, then go back and sit at my desk with my eyes trained on those little black prints that end up looking like not so many trails of ants.
I do this so much more now than ever before. I’ve always been the type to ignore my readings until March/April came around, and then I’d knuckle down and consume everything before spewing them out at my exams in May/June. But this year, strangely, I have rather unconsciously changed my habits white being extremely aware that I am behaving in an exceptional way.
But anyway, the point. The point is that I am tired already. How do people keep this sort of intense-ness up for months and months and years and years on end?
I am exhausted from having to plan my life around my readings and more readings. And I am so much more uptight and nervous about time and what I do with it, and where I go on the weekends, that honestly I’d like to slap myself. it’s as if this whole new work ethic is trying to take over my (social) life. I mean, I was in the library on Friday at 9pm – ok, so I only went there to look for an article I had to do a report on and headed straight back home when I realised it didn’t exist in the collection, but still. The library. At 9pm. On a Friday. I don’t know how the boyfriend puts up with it.
Of course, when it’s the right time and the right place I will be sure to clear my schedule by moving my readings to the right or left of the event. Which is why the house is having a Halloween/Guy Fawkes party on the 4th of November.
It is why I was in the country this weekend looking at the rolling fields and silhouettes of trees against a darkening sky. And also why I spent the better part of today walking in the woods while trying to pick mushrooms that would not kill us, nor impart us some psychotropic experience in between the trees- I have no time for that right now, dammit .
posted by ejl at 1:10 am
2 Comments:
The first way of getting used to your new found work ethic is to treat it as the general rule and not the exception. Slowly, but surely, you grow into it and you enjoy your new found focus and drive. And I think the earlier you start, the better, because then it naturally becomes 2nd nature. No one ever said life was supposed to be all fun and games. At least, the successful ones, of which I am sure is who you aim to become, never thought so.
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