Happy Red Ribbon Day

It’s World Aids Day today.

Aids is a fact. Sex is a fact too.

There's been a lot of discussion over use of contraceptives as the best form of prevention, and the increasing weight given to abstinence policies which is mainly influenced by Christian America and its politics. American influence has resulted in a sharp fall in the amount of condoms sent to, and distributed within, Africa because the use of condoms promotes a lifestyle that includes sex, and abstinence is about not having any.

Well, abstinence policies will not work in societies where monogamy is not part of their culture. Abstinence policies will not work in societies that call themselves modern, either.

The only effective method of reducing the numbers of HIV carriers is education. Sex education can only be for the benefit of society, and may well help to prevent new cases of infection from arising, apart from raising awareness of teen pregnancy and STIs and other such issues amongst others.

Of course, growing up in Singapore, I was giggly and embarrassed when we had science lessons on the reproductive systems of man and animal. But apart from my childish reaction to the topic, what shocked me was the teacher’s attitude towards it – she said, ‘it’s all in the textbook, I’m sure you can read it for yourself’, and moved on to the next topic. If she had turned to our class of 30 young girls and had given a matter-of-fact explanation of sexual intercourse, I’m sure she would have been highly respected and thought of as especially enlightened.

But that is basically what parents, and the education system, does. Both are embarrassed, more embarrassed than the youths they are addressing I suspect, and both try to fob off the responsibility of speaking about the birds and the bees. The lack of discussion over the simplest aspects of sex reduces the chances of any detailed discussion of sexually transmitted diseases, teen pregnancy and homosexuality. Those issues, especially, are seen as something that could only happen to ‘someone else’ and so no need at all to address them (see yawningbread for a good write-up, here).

We then grow up in a world where we know all about sex, but nothing about it. And, pretend to look away but really, everyone is doing it.

Such is the situation when the government insists that the country is one of traditional morality, and things like sex are hush-hush matters. And the sudden explosion of church-going people love it as well – all these bible-thumping anti-abortion, abstinence-supporting, homophobic creatures. No sex allowed, we’re good Christian heterosexual Singaporeans, unless you’re married to someone of the opposite sex, of course.

Well, I’m sorry, but it doesn’t work that way. Singapore is modern. And highly technologised. And highly sexualised. No amount of persuasion can convince me that we still have the traditional morals of ancient China, and anyway, I’m not so sure if they were moralists either – Concubines? Prostitutes? 13th century erotic toys? They had it all – so save the sanctimonious talk and deal with a social problem for once.

Perhaps by getting off that moralistic high horse and accepting the fact that sex happens, in and outside of marriage, greater and more effective effort can be made to heighten awareness of contraceptive methods to prevent situations where women turn to abortions instead of using contraceptives . And seriously, if a gay couple were to talk about contraception and prevention, I wouldn’t think of them as promoting an alternative lifestyle so much as protecting the health and lives of those who are already leading it, and heterosexual couples probably would have a lot to learn from them as well.

Abstinence can only work in highly specific and special situations, for example where everyone is of the same religion or believe in the same moral code, which is impossible in any country today where race and religion are no longer homogenous. And abstinence will not help those in marriages to partners who are infected, and there is growing evidence of more and more infections happening within marriages. And abstinence does not educate.

If we cannot talk truthfully and honestly about sex and its implications, and if sex education remains ignored as a crucial step towards cultivating a mature and responsible sexual lifestyle, then sadly, I’m afraid that we will never be able to find solutions but will always have to deal and cope with the fall-out of institutionalised ignorance.