get rich, or die trying

i used to have a magazine cut-out of a korean-american boy, looking all-american in chinos, t-shirt and cap, being quoted as saying

'i am afraid of not being successful'.

and i agreed with Mr Cut-Out Korean then, and i agree with him still now.

it's not failure that's a problem. failure is good, failure is spectacular and hyperbole. failure is the bang, not the whimper. you can bounce back from failure. failure is the extreme which there is no other choice but up.

mediocrity, on the other hand, is that indescribable chill that runs down the back of my spine. it is boring. it is stagnant. it is arachnophobia where the tarantulas are merely furry animification of my darkest nightmare - of being merely mediocre. it's a black hole that absorbs everything around it, a vortex of empty invisibility.

where else can one go when one is mediocre? it's 'good enough'. it's not failure in any sense, but it sure ain't success either. and yet, it is the no man's land of achievement, and this land is vast and plain. one may travel their whole life in this land of mediocrity and never reach the ends of this sierra of plainness. and although one may have many companions in this journey, one is always alone in their individually personalised mediocrity.

and so it is, with this fear in me, that i scale doggedly up the mountain that is a career, with a bright red flag in hand ready to stake my claim and base camps at convenient intervals to restore regroup and reinvigorate.

because, at the end of the day, i'd like to be able to swan in and out of my job without fear of my financial bearings. i'd like to be able to decide where and when and how. i'd like to call the shots, as they say, and not worry about my next mortgage repayment.

and because i don't want to find myself in my forties hoping my boss will give out bonuses at the end of the year because i could really do with some extra cash.