zhoi kin

so.

too little time, too many things and too many people.

i've learnt some very hard lessons these past 6 weeks, and discovered many new and amazing things as well.

we all move on in life, and everything changes with time. truisms and all.

perhaps all this living out of suitcases has put many issues in sharper relief than they would have otherwise. or perhaps living outside the box gives one a clearer view of the limited dimensions of said box.

the only things i value from this place are relationships that have germinated in this hot and humid land. but that said, these relationships also transcend physical borders.

so, one day in the future, when i've made my millions and trillions, i'll have you all as permanent houseguests in my island paradise in some emerald green ocean.

p/s: thanks everyone for the invaluable conversations, kopitiam/drinking sessions and other assorted mundane behaviour that mean more to me than you would know.

happy 80th birthday mama

There are relatives. And there are Relatives.

For the most part, I get along well with most of the people in my large extended family – I actually like going visiting during Chinese New Year. I don’t mind people asking me the same questions every year (‘Oh so where are you studying now?’, ‘Wah London must be so expensive, right?’) and stating the same obvious facts every year (‘Wah! You look very different now, you’re so much fairer than last time!’, ‘Wah! The food in London must be very delicious.’ etc). I find it all rather entertaining.

But then, there are the Relatives that are self-righteous, narrow-minded and have a extreme case of the persecution complex. Oh, and did I mention they are also zealous religious converts?

Them I try to avoid as much as possible, to no avail. It’s sad, but true. Of all the Relatives I have to put up with, these I have to on an almost-daily basis due to the fact that they are my mother’s siblings. And it grates.

So, it’s all very well that I see them everyday at dinner. And I see even more of them on Saturdays when everyone comes round for dinner at my Grandmother’s house. I put up with them and their bible-thumping ways, and they continue tsk-tsking about my ‘worldly manner’. I am the black sheep they love to hate.

But what happened this afternoon takes the cake.

Given, they have very different views on secular celebrations such as birthdays. So we had to invent a reason for going to a restaurant for dinner with my Grandmother other than that it was her 80th birthday, like my brother would be going for training in Thailand for a month, and I hadn't eaten chilli crab the whole time I've been back. Excuses like that.

And we informed them of the arrangements maybe two weeks in advance, telling them that we would be bringing my Grandmother and them for dinner tonight. You would think that it was more than enough pre-warning, and that they’d write it down or keep today free, seeing as they would be getting a free dinner at a seafood restaurant courtesy of my parents. But no, they’ve gone off to god-knows-where. Without informing any of us. My mother only found out when she rang her mother up to tell her what time we would be picking them up.

Didn't your god teach you basic courtesy? Would it not be only good manners to inform the hosts of any changes in plans?

So thanks for not showing anyone any respect, not even your own mother. And thanks for making my holiday less pleasant that it could have been.

These good and godly people leave a bad taste in my mouth with their preaching at me and then going on to display their utter lack of respect for other people and their feelings. It’s things like these that make me so glad I won’t be sticking around for much longer.

saturday night lights

moon shine

brainbug

Three different dreams last night, after each of which my eyelids flew open and I was left gasping for air.

I haven’t had anything this close to a nightmare in ages, much less three at a time.

on errors

so there was a post here. before safari self-destructed due to an unexpected error. i get that quite a bit, with safari and firefox both.

thoughts of calling in the techxperts to 'hmm', 'mmm' and 'okay you see...' at me have arisen. but i quite like to think of myself as rather capable of handling my own computer-related problems, barring it actually dying on me.

and anyway, i'm sure its just a matter of housekeeping. i probably have too many browsers on my hard disk for my own good. and too much crap hanging around the periphery. tomorrow i shall embark on some spring (summer?) cleaning and do some backing-up of data along the way.

so, all in all, me calling in the professionals to fix this (non)problem is probably rather unnecessary at the moment. and is probably as realistic as me actually joining a gym.

sunset skyline

the view from the window of my mom's office

retail therapy

One of the drawbacks to living on my kind of budget for most of the year in London is that I shop like a tai-tai on amphetamines whenever I'm back in Singapore.

Just a few hours in town has resulted in one book, two magazines, two shirts and one shawl. And another three books borrowed from the library. And cappucinos and iced-chocolates. And browsing through the shelves of the new shop with beautiful notebooks/journals/photo-albums/etc at jaw-droppingly exorbitant prices. And a whopping car park charge of close to ten dollars (the last time I ever paid that sort of money for parking was when I valet-ed my car at a hotel).

After all my retail deprivation, it felt really good to be dazzled by the bright lights and rows and rows of consumer goods. The colours! The designs! The conversion rates!

Shopping gives such a sense of control and empowerment. But when I think about how easy it is for me to announce that I would be shopping even though I'm earning nothing at all, I am humbled by my apparent ability to spend.

And as I said to my sister as we walked out of a store, 'Aren't we so lucky that we can go shopping like this and only worry about remembering the right PIN number for my card?'.

Bloop Bloop

I am being lazy. Or rather, I am lazy to entertain.

This therefore results in speedy drinks session with colleagues, and then impromptu arrangements for (probably) long protracted and drawn-out dinner with the friend(s).

The friends rock. I love them because I can be silly, rude, gwai lan, intelligent and downright no-manners when I’m around them, and I don’t have to watch my words. Or my hands. Or my ladylike demeanour – not that I had any to begin with.

I also love the friends because they always have cool studios/houses to hang out in on the east coast. I might have lived north-east-by-central-catchment-area all my life, but at heart I think I am an east-side girl. It would go very far in explaining why a lot of my ex-crushes/loves/dalliances all live or used to live between the Eunos and Changi Airport exits on the PIE.

So anyway, the whole point of this whole thing is: I am so glad I’ll be getting down some speedy drinks before shooting off for dinner. I’ll need the alcohol to alleviate all the boring-ness that has beset themselves upon me.

i resolve to...

Some people have New Year Resolutions. I have new school year maybe’s. When school used to start in January, they would coincide. But now that tertiary education generally begins somewhere weirdly two-thirds of the way into the year, so my school year maybe’s have to be thought out now.

And this is what I have come up with so far:

1. Actually take notes while doing readings, and not just underlining or highlighting it.
it’s a bitch and it takes double the time, but it’ll save on the grief come april

2. Go to all my lectures and classes.
sounds so easy, doesn’t it? But when it’s a 9am class and it’s snowing, my Neanderthal response is to dig deep under the covers and carry on sleeping.

3. Make more effort in my social life, and turn up at events when I’ve already promised to.
once again, easier said than actually done.

4. Take a trip to every megabus stop at least once
for 1 pound a ride, I’ll go to the ends of the earth with these guys. Maybe

5. Volunteer
ahem. I need to shore up halo/angelwings-credits to make up for all the evil I will unleash once I start practicing


I’m sure more will be added in due course, but this is all I can think up while sitting staring at a wall under flourescent tube lighting. Right now, my only resolution is to get out of the office, find seats and some lunch at Golden Shoe Carpark and have a cigarette at the end of it all.

And as a disclaimer, all the above aren't actually resolutions. They are categorised as 'Maybe's. So, failure to achieve any of them will not be regarded as the end of the world. Merely a continuance of my last two relak-jack years of hedonistic insobriety.

underwhelmed

So there was National Day and fireworks and general chauvinistic display of military strength. Hurrah.

The only enjoyable thing about the whole affair was the pull-out segment in yesterday’s newspaper on the weird, wonderful and outright what-the-hell?! things that can be found on our sunny shores.

And imagine my surprise when the most handsome hawker turned out to be that fishball-noodles-selling boy from Amoy Street Hawker Centre. I always knew he’d make it some day. Although we intentionally skipped the ground floor, and went straight for better coffee on the 2nd floor this morning. Caffeine kicks over eye candy any day.


On another note,

HR departments obviously do not pay too much attention to applicant’s forms once they get through the initial ‘oops, no As at A-level, bin it!’ stage.

After explicitly stating that I will not be available until September, I get interview dates between 16th August and 01st September. yeah thanks. Now I have to call the damned woman and tell her that I won’t be in London until the 05th of September. Unless, of course, she and/or the firm she works for would like to stump up the money for an earlier flight back.

And as an ex-housemate of mine beautifully put it,

'I Don't Think So, Yo'

the tourist

There are times when I wish I had forever to take in the sights and sounds of Singapore.

But I know that the feeling is just illusory, and I only think in this manner because I won’t be around for 9 – 10 months out of 12. And also because I’m interning and have no energy after battling the work-bots at Raffles Place to go exploring.

Still.

I would love to do a project on Shenton Way and Raffles Place on a Sunday. The steel+glass everywhere makes me dizzy and weak at the knees, literally and metaphorically. I also want to do a project on HDB blocks that look like candle holders all lit up and twinkly at night, although that might just be due to my astigmatism.

I also want to visit Arab Street and sit there on a sunny lazy afternoon drinking teh ais. Or go haggling at Sungei Road. And wandering around the back lanes of Little India. Perhaps take a walk around Chinatown and buy the clear plastic piggy banks from my childhood in pink green blue or orange.

And watch the films showing at Screen Singapore. And attend a drum’n’bass event, Singaporean style. And go to the religious art exhibition ‘Journey of Faith’ at the Asian Civilizations Museum. And eat warm chocolate cake at Baker’s Inn. Or just drive around in the middle of the night along the expressways, imagining what it'd be like to be flying.

Alternatively, more time to hang out in a pre-1950s colonial type house with the friends since the other pre-development house in Gardens has been deemed unsuitable. And drink beer on the balcony or just down the road. And ogle at the house across the street with the goddess of mercy staring back at me.

fractionally marginalised

This morning over breakfast at Amoy Street Market Hawker Centre, I was telling my mother about how I find a lot of the conversations I have with X really tedious.

The obsession with appearances and how fat/skinny/pretty/ugly/badly-dressed/short-skirted/big-thighed/insert-comment-here a person is or was - it just tires me out completely. I try to change the topic to no avail, and so most of the time I just keep quiet and let my mind wander on to other more interesting things, like how I really need to buy a new suit.

Not to say I don’t indulge in such frivolous behaviour at times - I do. Of course I do. I’m a girl. But having the same sort of conversation the whole night long, every single time, is honestly quite ridiculous.

So anyway, I was telling my mother about how i feel about the whole situation. And without looking up from her bowl of porridge, she said,

’see, this is why I never thought buying children Barbie dolls was a good idea.’

Which I completely agree with now. Although I’m sure that as a child I must have kicked up a storm of a fuss because my cousins had the whole Barbie playhouse and 32 Barbies to boot. And I’m also sure the person in question did not exactly spend all her days designing Ken + Barbie’s new wardrobe.

On the other hand, if I only spoke in legalese and discussed the latest takeovers and financings deals, I know I’ll be labeled atas and be ostracized slowly but surely. So maybe all that superficiality is just the lowest common denominator of conversation topics, and is a genuine attempt at involving everyone in the discussion.

But if it is true, then it’s really depressing that my lowest common denominator is that low.

all-seeing eyes

My Her World horoscope for this month tells me that:

Changes are due and pave the way to more settled conditions. Don’t lose any of your determination.

Looks like a good portent. Perhaps I will not be the reject I expect to be, and perhaps one or two interviews might actually come my way. yay!

Or, I might just be reading too much into things.

stop.rewind.play

So the other night I ended up at Jalan Kayu with the best friend (girl’s division) for tea (her) and ice milo (me). I was supposed to have put my weekend on hold. But she had the car, and I was getting cabin fever. therefore, supper time.

We ended up talking until half-past-two in the morning while going backwards and forwards from my place to that place. We talked about things that we always talked about. About the past, about right now, about what’s maybe going to happen. And how much things have changed since we last met.

Photos from my trip to Portugal this summer were looked at, and her comments included gems like

‘Wah! Where is this? It's so nice! Europe always looks so romantic, hor?’
‘is he blonde? I though you said he was brunette. Oh wait. Oh I see. Ok yah he’s not blonde.’

The speed of speech was all a bit overwhelming after I had spent the whole day holed up in my mom’s office doing you-know-what. But every time I come back to this country, I realise how much I’ve missed the long night drives and the clatter-splatter-chatter-noise at 24hour eating places with endless supplies of teh-peng and nasi goreng ikan bilis.